When Feelings Are Mutual

(sorry this blog is long over due)

     The infamous break up story. =)

   Yes we all know, it sucks to be dumped. You were "in love" and he/she just couldn't see it in you. You would've done "anything" for him/her and he/she just didn't care. You gave him/her everything you had to offer and it just wasn't enough. Now you're sad all the time. Every song on the radio seems to be about him/her. All the old pictures bring back your saddness. You know you've got to move on, but you're still not quite ready.
   Well this is not one of those stories. What about the stories where the feelings are mutual? Yes, I, THE CHELSEA BEA ;-) have been dumped. Yeah, I was sad for a couple of days. Not entirely because I lost the one I "loved". Not at all for that reason actually. I was upset that I lost the normalness between my friend and I. Now when I see him it wasn't the same. I feel like even when we were dating it was more of a friendship anyways. Now, that I am over the saddness things are back to normal. I can totally be around him and it's chill again.
   Sometimes things just play out perfectly. I really honestly hope he finds the one who compliments him. I hope all his dreams come true as does he for me. I am so much more happy with him as my friend rather than my boyfriend. I learned a lot through our relationship but I was ready to be done. I think we should get the most awesome break up ever award. When feelings are mutual life is just so splendid. I am now single and ready to mingle again. I deserve someone who will fall head over heals for me. Who will hear what I have to say and believe it. I'm going to be someone's significant other, not just thier accessory.
  Feelings were mutual even though he would probably tell you differently. I'm so happy to be independant again and I know that he and I were not ment to be. Life as a young single adult is so much fun and now that I have made more friends and have a job, I can take it by the horns. =)

Something Unpredictable

  This song has been on repeat in my car for about a week now.

  Truth. I love a song that is so full of truth. Life throws choices at us all the time. Not only that but things happen and all of a sudden we are at a place in life we never expected to be. Life is a test. Ive been thinking a lot about "fate" and choices. Also God. There are so many thoughts in my head I can not organize. Wether it be about school or my boyfriend Mike. Thoughts just roll around in my head and they can't be set into words but his song, explains it all. Life is unpredictable and all we can really do is choose what we know to be the best choice and see where time takes us.

  God has a plan for each one of us. He knows me individually and his plan for me is beautiful. I just have to listen for his inspiration and follow the coarse of life he has layed out for me. Life will be hard and things will happen that make me un happy but I know that God knows exactly how I feel and in time he will take that pain away. All I can do now is find joy daily. Look for beauty in simple things. This past weekend I went to a ballet and after it was over I was walking back to my car and a little girl in a tu-tu was walking on her tippy toes and stopped in mid-step and did a plea. =) It made my day.

     Life happens and we can't slow it down. So we must embrace it! Life is something unpredictable, but in the end it is right. I'm going to have the time of my life, and you should too.

Don't Stop Me Now.

     Life is going good. All is well and then a speed bump hits. Well Mr. Speed bump thats too bad cause I'm not stopping. I hope hitting you doesn't damage me. =)

Dumb Girlyness!

I Worry

I worry that he won't believe I like him.

I worry he'll think I'm weird.

I worry he thinks I text way too much.

I worry he won't feel the same.

I worry my family won't like him.

I worry I annoy him.

I worry it's too fast.

I worry he won't sit with me at church.

I worry he'll touch my legs when they're harry.

I worry he could easily go for anyone.

I worry his friends don't like me.

I worry that the sad song he plays is aimed at me.

I worry his parents hate me. 

I worry my palms are too sweaty.

I worry he's uncomfortable.

I worry we're not ready.

I worry I'm only 18 and I have yet to live.

I worry he won't like kissing me.

I worry a lot.

Then I see him smile and

I remember worrying is against MY religion.

Then I look in his eyes and

then I stop worrying.

  <3 Chelsea Bea

Vulnerable...Impossible.

So it happened. I actually fell in like. I hate this feeling because I have no idea if he likes me back.

      Vulnerable. I've never felt this vulnerable in my life. He caught my eye at church my first day there. Yeah he was cute and all but it was just a little crush. Then amazing happened. He sat next to me in church. I was doodling on a peice of paper. He asked me to draw him a picture. So I did. Kowing this was my shot, I wrote my number on the back. I also wrote, "You should probably ask me out seeing as I drew this for you." =) Normally I'm not this forward. I just flirt and mess around with a guy till I scare them off. Which is okay because honestly I haven't really truly liked someone like this since Markos. I normally beat around the bush or feel...unsure. (I like them, I don't like them, I like them, Maybe not so much). It's usually just a game.

           This feeling is so different. After I hung out with him it wasn't like a dream. I didn't feel all on "cloud nine" and magical. I felt like...something real.  The only problem is...I was not expecting this. I was not ready. I've been fine just fiddling around with love/like or whatever it is. But it has me this time. I'm so scared. There is a huge chance that I'll get hurt but for some reason I'm okay with that. I'm putting it all on line because if something ends up working, it's worth the risk. I'm scared. I am vulnerale.  I am in-like. 

Please if you haven't listened to the words of the song go back and do so. because they explain better than I can.

Remember the name! -Fort Minor

"It's 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% consentrated power of will, 5% pleasure, 50% pain, and 100% reason to remember the name." -Fort Minor

Doubt has crept in again. Nerves. The aversary whispers words of self doubt, "you can't do it Chelsea. You have no goals. You can't even dance. It's too hard Chelsea. Give up now cause you're not good enough. GIVE UP!"

It would be so easy to just give up on my dreams. But when has anything worth having ever been easy to get? I need to man up. Set my goals and achieve them! No more self-pity. No more excuses. I need to get up and do it. I'm glad I heard this song on pandora today because the part that says 15% concentrated power of will is what I'm missing. I've got to just have the will power and believe in me. So today I look doubt and fear in the face and say, "SCREW YOU DOUBT! Goodbye fear and get the heck away from me laziness."

Today I thrive. Today I create a name that WILL be 100% Remembered.

Glitter In The Air-Pink

Have you ever trusted? Just trusted. Have you ever looked fear in the face and said I just don't care!