Never in my life have I felt so alone. This song is exactly how I feel.
You know, I thought graduating was supposed to be spectacular. All your anticipating for this one night. The night you finnish what you started. The night you earned. the night you go out and party with all your friends. The day that you fold over the last page of this book and open a brand new one with a blank slate. I thought graduating was supposed to be spectacular, wasn't it?
Not so much. Graduating itself was nothing as I expected. I thought I would feel like I was on a cloud, like i just won a million dollars. Or maybe not even that. Maybe it'd feel like something died, like my life was over, but no. I felt nothing. I didn't hear a cheer after my name was called, I didn't see a single firework. I didn't even shed one tear. All I felt was nothing. I felt empty. I thought graduating was supposed spectacular, but it was smiply going through the motions. Like brushing your teeth.
The days following graduating were full of packing and cleaning and painting and cleaning and packing some more.I thought graduating was supposed to be spectacular, but because of it, my time came to move. Before I knew it I was driving. Driving away from home into my new world. A world where everything was unknown. The heat was the first to say hello, although it felt more like I was being mocked. Heat looked at me not to say welcome at all, but to let me know one of us was going to have to change, and it wasn't going to be him. As heat made his position known, beads of sweat penetrated my skin. This was hard but bearable compared to what creeped in next.
Lonliness. Never in my life have I felt so alone. I thought graduating was supposed to be spectacular, but instead it left me completely alone. Normally I'm good at making new friends and all that jazz. However, graduating changed me. The loud, obnoctious, carefree, outgoing Chelsea is suppocated. I'm left in this body that's scared, timid, SHY. That's not me, but me can't get out. I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most. I'm the shell of a girl I used to know well. Well, you never truly know yourself until you're left completely alone. I thought graduating was supposed to be spectacular, but thanks to graduating I'm alone
Thanks to graduating I miss my life. Thanks to graduating I miss my friends.Thanks to graduating I miss my house. Thanks to graduating I miss going to high school everyday of my life. I miss the loud obnoctious people in choir. I miss Blake teasing me in weights. I miss Dylan's eyes. I miss Kory being a smart a**. I miss Tess looking at me like I'm an idiot. I miss being all over Tucker all the time. I miss the deep intamate conversations with Bridgette. I miss yelling HOOOpe across campus every day. I miss the conviniences of living in a small town. I miss Dancing alone in my wreck room whenever I wanted. I miss singing at the top of my lungs in the shower in the back. I miss hugging Toni eveyday. I miss feeling comfortable in my own skin. I miss Baldanado telling me I look guilty. I miss Mr. Peterson's smile. I miss Mrs. Caffey's everything. I miss Andy pointint at me in the halls. I miss hearing Riannon say "Mr. Sexy Pants" to Mr. Stevens. I miss actually enjoying learning in Mr. Stevens. I miss laying in my street at night Knowing no one is coming. I miss Drew pinching my calves. I miss late night talks in the hot tub with Caleb. I miss talking with my mom on our way to school eveyday. I miss Pancho shaking his head at me. I miss Elizabeth's lovliness in my life. I miss Caleb McClellan calling me his wife. I miss pretending to steel Shem from hope. I miss Clay flirting with me at play practice. I miss psycho Buckwalter. I miss seeing familiar faces. Thanks to graduating, I MISS ME.
I thought graduating was supposed to be spectacular. Wasn't it? Hmmmm. Not so much. At least not yet.
