Oh no. I've caught the fever.

It has happened. =( I caught beiber fever. I'm a little ashamed.I just think he is soooo friggin cute. GAH! What is my world coming to?!? well Merry Chistmas!

When Feelings Are Mutual

(sorry this blog is long over due)

     The infamous break up story. =)

   Yes we all know, it sucks to be dumped. You were "in love" and he/she just couldn't see it in you. You would've done "anything" for him/her and he/she just didn't care. You gave him/her everything you had to offer and it just wasn't enough. Now you're sad all the time. Every song on the radio seems to be about him/her. All the old pictures bring back your saddness. You know you've got to move on, but you're still not quite ready.
   Well this is not one of those stories. What about the stories where the feelings are mutual? Yes, I, THE CHELSEA BEA ;-) have been dumped. Yeah, I was sad for a couple of days. Not entirely because I lost the one I "loved". Not at all for that reason actually. I was upset that I lost the normalness between my friend and I. Now when I see him it wasn't the same. I feel like even when we were dating it was more of a friendship anyways. Now, that I am over the saddness things are back to normal. I can totally be around him and it's chill again.
   Sometimes things just play out perfectly. I really honestly hope he finds the one who compliments him. I hope all his dreams come true as does he for me. I am so much more happy with him as my friend rather than my boyfriend. I learned a lot through our relationship but I was ready to be done. I think we should get the most awesome break up ever award. When feelings are mutual life is just so splendid. I am now single and ready to mingle again. I deserve someone who will fall head over heals for me. Who will hear what I have to say and believe it. I'm going to be someone's significant other, not just thier accessory.
  Feelings were mutual even though he would probably tell you differently. I'm so happy to be independant again and I know that he and I were not ment to be. Life as a young single adult is so much fun and now that I have made more friends and have a job, I can take it by the horns. =)

Something Unpredictable

  This song has been on repeat in my car for about a week now.

  Truth. I love a song that is so full of truth. Life throws choices at us all the time. Not only that but things happen and all of a sudden we are at a place in life we never expected to be. Life is a test. Ive been thinking a lot about "fate" and choices. Also God. There are so many thoughts in my head I can not organize. Wether it be about school or my boyfriend Mike. Thoughts just roll around in my head and they can't be set into words but his song, explains it all. Life is unpredictable and all we can really do is choose what we know to be the best choice and see where time takes us.

  God has a plan for each one of us. He knows me individually and his plan for me is beautiful. I just have to listen for his inspiration and follow the coarse of life he has layed out for me. Life will be hard and things will happen that make me un happy but I know that God knows exactly how I feel and in time he will take that pain away. All I can do now is find joy daily. Look for beauty in simple things. This past weekend I went to a ballet and after it was over I was walking back to my car and a little girl in a tu-tu was walking on her tippy toes and stopped in mid-step and did a plea. =) It made my day.

     Life happens and we can't slow it down. So we must embrace it! Life is something unpredictable, but in the end it is right. I'm going to have the time of my life, and you should too.

Don't Stop Me Now.

     Life is going good. All is well and then a speed bump hits. Well Mr. Speed bump thats too bad cause I'm not stopping. I hope hitting you doesn't damage me. =)

Dumb Girlyness!

I Worry

I worry that he won't believe I like him.

I worry he'll think I'm weird.

I worry he thinks I text way too much.

I worry he won't feel the same.

I worry my family won't like him.

I worry I annoy him.

I worry it's too fast.

I worry he won't sit with me at church.

I worry he'll touch my legs when they're harry.

I worry he could easily go for anyone.

I worry his friends don't like me.

I worry that the sad song he plays is aimed at me.

I worry his parents hate me. 

I worry my palms are too sweaty.

I worry he's uncomfortable.

I worry we're not ready.

I worry I'm only 18 and I have yet to live.

I worry he won't like kissing me.

I worry a lot.

Then I see him smile and

I remember worrying is against MY religion.

Then I look in his eyes and

then I stop worrying.

  <3 Chelsea Bea

Vulnerable...Impossible.

So it happened. I actually fell in like. I hate this feeling because I have no idea if he likes me back.

      Vulnerable. I've never felt this vulnerable in my life. He caught my eye at church my first day there. Yeah he was cute and all but it was just a little crush. Then amazing happened. He sat next to me in church. I was doodling on a peice of paper. He asked me to draw him a picture. So I did. Kowing this was my shot, I wrote my number on the back. I also wrote, "You should probably ask me out seeing as I drew this for you." =) Normally I'm not this forward. I just flirt and mess around with a guy till I scare them off. Which is okay because honestly I haven't really truly liked someone like this since Markos. I normally beat around the bush or feel...unsure. (I like them, I don't like them, I like them, Maybe not so much). It's usually just a game.

           This feeling is so different. After I hung out with him it wasn't like a dream. I didn't feel all on "cloud nine" and magical. I felt like...something real.  The only problem is...I was not expecting this. I was not ready. I've been fine just fiddling around with love/like or whatever it is. But it has me this time. I'm so scared. There is a huge chance that I'll get hurt but for some reason I'm okay with that. I'm putting it all on line because if something ends up working, it's worth the risk. I'm scared. I am vulnerale.  I am in-like. 

Please if you haven't listened to the words of the song go back and do so. because they explain better than I can.

Remember the name! -Fort Minor

"It's 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% consentrated power of will, 5% pleasure, 50% pain, and 100% reason to remember the name." -Fort Minor

Doubt has crept in again. Nerves. The aversary whispers words of self doubt, "you can't do it Chelsea. You have no goals. You can't even dance. It's too hard Chelsea. Give up now cause you're not good enough. GIVE UP!"

It would be so easy to just give up on my dreams. But when has anything worth having ever been easy to get? I need to man up. Set my goals and achieve them! No more self-pity. No more excuses. I need to get up and do it. I'm glad I heard this song on pandora today because the part that says 15% concentrated power of will is what I'm missing. I've got to just have the will power and believe in me. So today I look doubt and fear in the face and say, "SCREW YOU DOUBT! Goodbye fear and get the heck away from me laziness."

Today I thrive. Today I create a name that WILL be 100% Remembered.

Glitter In The Air-Pink

Have you ever trusted? Just trusted. Have you ever looked fear in the face and said I just don't care!

Breathe!!

In reguards to my last post.

Life. it is constantly throwing things at you left and right. I've made the decision that how it is being thrown doesn't matter, It is how we catch it. (or let it smack you in the back as you catch something of greater value). And you know what has never killed anyone, BREATHING! Seriously. This song says it all. Just breath.

After calming down and getting out of my self pity mode, I MADE FRIENDS! Baby sitting has become a breaze. And I'm going to utah with my friend Janel...Just for fun. Life isn't what you make it, Life is what you take from how it's made. Breath. Just so it. =)

The Lonely

Never in my life have I felt so alone. This song is exactly how I feel.
      
           You know, I thought graduating was supposed to be spectacular. All your anticipating for this one night. The night you finnish what you started. The night you earned. the night you go out and party with all your friends. The day that you fold over the last page of this book and open a brand new one with a blank slate. I thought graduating was supposed to be spectacular, wasn't it?

   Not so much. Graduating itself was nothing as I expected. I thought I would feel like I was on a cloud, like i just won a million dollars. Or maybe not even that. Maybe it'd feel like something died, like my life was over, but no. I felt nothing. I didn't hear a cheer after my name was called, I didn't see a single firework. I didn't even shed one tear. All I felt was nothing. I felt empty. I thought graduating was supposed spectacular, but it was smiply going through the motions. Like brushing your teeth.

        The days following graduating were full of packing and cleaning and painting and cleaning and packing some more.I thought graduating was supposed to be spectacular, but because of it, my time came to move.  Before I knew it I was driving. Driving away from home into my new world. A world where everything was unknown. The heat was the first to say hello, although it felt more like I was being mocked. Heat looked at me not to say welcome at all, but to let me know one of us was going to have to change, and it wasn't going to be him. As heat made his position known, beads of sweat penetrated my skin. This was hard but bearable compared to what creeped in next.

       Lonliness. Never in my life have I felt so alone. I thought graduating was supposed to be spectacular, but instead it left me completely alone. Normally I'm good at making new friends and all that jazz. However, graduating changed me. The loud, obnoctious, carefree, outgoing Chelsea is suppocated. I'm left in this body that's scared, timid, SHY. That's not me, but me can't get out. I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most. I'm the shell of a girl I used to know well. Well, you never truly know yourself until you're left completely alone. I thought graduating was supposed to be spectacular, but thanks to graduating I'm alone

              Thanks to graduating I miss my life. Thanks to graduating I miss my friends.Thanks to graduating I miss my house. Thanks to graduating I miss going to high school everyday of my life. I miss the loud obnoctious people in choir. I miss Blake teasing me in weights. I miss Dylan's eyes. I miss Kory being a smart a**. I miss Tess looking at me like I'm an idiot. I miss being all over Tucker all the time. I miss the deep intamate conversations with Bridgette. I miss yelling HOOOpe across campus every day. I miss the conviniences of living in a small town. I miss Dancing alone in my wreck room whenever I wanted. I miss singing at the top of my lungs in the shower in the back. I miss hugging Toni eveyday. I miss feeling comfortable in my own skin. I miss Baldanado telling me I look guilty. I miss Mr. Peterson's smile. I miss Mrs. Caffey's everything. I miss Andy pointint at me in the halls. I miss hearing Riannon say "Mr. Sexy Pants" to Mr. Stevens. I miss actually enjoying learning in Mr. Stevens. I miss laying in my street at night Knowing no one is coming. I miss Drew pinching my calves. I miss late night talks in the hot tub with Caleb. I miss talking with my mom on our way to school eveyday. I miss Pancho shaking his head at me. I miss Elizabeth's lovliness in my life. I miss Caleb McClellan calling me his wife. I miss pretending to steel Shem from hope. I miss Clay flirting with me at play practice. I miss psycho Buckwalter. I miss seeing familiar faces. Thanks to graduating, I MISS ME.

   I thought graduating was supposed to be spectacular. Wasn't it? Hmmmm. Not so much. At least not yet.   

speechless

Sometimes a song just gets to you and you can't explain why.

Bruises

"I tried to do handstands for you
I tried to do headstands for you
Everytime I fell on you, yeah, everytime I fell
I tried to do handstands for you
But everytime I fell for you
I'm permanently black and blue, permanently blue for you.

I tried to do handstands for you
I tried to do handstands for you
Everytime I fell on you, yeah, everytime I fell
I tried to do handstands for you but everytime I fell for you
I'm permanently black and blue, permanently blue for you-ooh-ooh-ooh

I got bruises on my knees for you
And grass stains on my knees for you
Got holes in my new jeans for you
Got pink and black and blue

Got bruises on my knees for you
And grass stains on my knees for you
Got holes in my new jeans for you
Got pink and black and blue for you"
-Chairlift

When I first heard this song I thought it was catchy. After I listened to the words I thought it was a cleve little love song. As I think of this song now it explains my weekends. =)

 As most people know, I like to hang out with guys. Not because I 'like" them but because they are just more fun. My favoite group to hang out with is, James (he thinks he's inlove with me), Drew (the spontanious prankster), Caleb (my favorite person in the world), and sometimes Josh (the wrestler) tags along. You can tell when I am  going to hang with "the guys". I'll throw on some jeans and a t-shirt and my hat and go. These guys bring out the fun in anyone. We've had many adventures together. They've taken me paintballling and four-wheeling. They've tried to teach me how to do flips. Everytime I've come home from hanging out with them, I've been dirty. You can always expect the unexpected with these guys.

Anyways, let me get to the point. Since I've been friends with them I've had many bruises, scratches, and other painful things. There is nothing I love more than being "one of the guys". It is exquisit. I think the first random thing I did with them was go down under Jame's house to do something, I can't even remember, but we got super dusty.=)

One time we went paintballing and I decided to be the white rabbit (which means you run out unarmed into the open field and let everyone shoot at you) and it was all fun in games until I realized how good they could aim. Then I realized how dumb I was. Never again have I been the white rabbit. =)

When we went to Knott's Berry farm, Drew was playing with a little hook thing and just as he went to hook my nose I turnned and it totally ripped my nostril, it hurt so bad. Also Drew loves to grab my calf muscles and squeeze them super hard. I hate that. I think he does it to remind me that I'm a wuss. One time I had a bruise from that for 2 weeks.

James and I were four-wheeling once and he was promising me how he'd never wreck with me on and blah blah blah, and right after he said that we like rolled down a hill. =) It was funny. They also make me go cliff jumping and we've even played mud football.

My most unfavorite thing they do is try and put me under the love sack at Drew's. I am super clostrophobic and they know that. So they always say, "It's a mental thing get over it." I know they're right but when you're scared of something, you just are. Much of my pain has come from trying tostay above the love sack. They've only gotten me under twice, which is really good compared to how much they've tried. One time Caleb was just holding me and the other time Drew was. I was freaking out.

They always do crazy stuff that hurts me but I just man up. But Nothing compares to this weekend. James Drew Josh and I went four-wheeling and Josh let me drive. I was going super fast and clibing things and all that jazz. I grew very confident and I tried to go off this legde. We ended up fliping and rolling for a log time. We came out all right. I'm just super sore and scratched a little bit. Now that I think about it, it could've been fatal if Josh hadn't saved me.

You may ask, "Why do you put yourself through all that?" The answer is because I love them. =) They have produced more fun for me than I could've ever imagined. I love not knowing what we're going to do when I go out to Drew's house. It's always a blast. Yeah sure I get a bruise here and there every now and again, but I'm alright. Yeah I've got bruises on my knees for you guys, wholes in my new jeans, but every little thing was worth it. I thank them everyday for letting me be, "one of the guys". I will miss them tremendously!

All we have is now. This moment is promised. -Elizabeth Perry

      This post is deticated to my dear friend Elizabeth.


    As a senior this year, I decided to try and get to know some of the people I'd always wanted to. I started talking to people I wouldn't normaly talk to and before I knew it, I had a whole new pool of friends. This silly little personal goal turned into some of my most valued friendships. Despite all of these friends, one stands brightly in my mind. Elizabeth Perry.
   This phenominal woman is a beautiful, weird, crazy, silly, fun to be around girl! One day I started talking to her. Things went really slow. I don't think she really knew I was serious when I told her I've always wanted to be her friend. I'm not sure how things got better but once the choir went on tour we just clicked. Before I knew it I was talking with her about her boyfriend and going to her house with her on dinner breaks. Now I have grown to love her. Yeah Yeah, I know what you think, I just say that about all my friends. Well cause I do love all my friends, but this is like my high level of love. I just completely adore this girl. I'm so sad this is my last year in Holbrook. I will miss her terribly.
     Not only is she amazingly fun to be around, and not to mention gorgeous, She is a musician. She recently performed an origional song called This Moment. It talks about remembering the moment and taking it all in. 

"All we have is now. This moment is promised."

   These were the perfect words for me at the end of this year. Elizabeth just completely blew me away.

Elizabeth, I just want you to know how much I love you. You have been a great friend and I hope to keep in contact. I'm so happy we've been able to connect so fast and thank for letting me in to your wonderful world. I hope you know I alwasy got your back and I love your songs. I hope all your dreams come true because you deserve it girl. You are phenominal and I am lucky to linger in your life. I love you.
<3 Chelsea Bea 

One Day I'll Fly Away

        One day I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday.
        Why live life from dream to dream and dread the day
         when dreaming ends? -Nicole Kidman

     The school year is coming to an end. Final decisions about college are being made. Thoughts about dreams and goals are turning into realities. For me, there is waiting. I can't really know my final decisions until I audition on May 14th. Yes, I'm excited...and nervous. Mostly I'm just ready to know!

   When I was a little girl, teachers would ask what I wanted to be when I grow up and I always said the same thing, "I'm going to be a star on broadway." I even told my teachers to keep my signature because it'd be worth a lot of money someday. =) I was a little full of it but this dream has always been instilled in me. As I grew up things wavered a little bit but never completely changed. Sometimes I would doubt if I could do it. When it came down to it, I knew there's nothing else that would make me that happy to go to work daily.
  
      Things really hit me when I saw the musical Wicked. The first song began and I felt a sudden rush...I know it sounds strange. I can't even explain it. I literally felt my soul escape my body to find it's way to the stage. My emotions were uncontrolable and it took every fiber of my being to keep tears from rapidly falling from my eyes. They weren't sad tears, they were just emotions trying to get out of me. This was the moment I knew, I JUST KNEW, I had to be on stage. I don't care if I'm the star or a back round character, I just need to be on stage.  This is when I decided it's time now to take a dream and make it real.
 
   Reguardless of the results, I know I'm going places. I feel like there's something in me that is just so ready to break free. Staying with my parents has crossed my mind so many times, but I know I can't. I want to be someone. I've realized I've been dreaming of this my whole life. I want to be on broadway! Now is the time I have to make this dream not just a dream. It's time to fly away. I don't want to look back wondering if I could've done it. I want to know. I don't know why I'd try so hard to blend in when I was born to stand out. One day I'll fly away, no, TODAY I'll fly away.
 

Why do you dance?

     I was on my way home from the valley last night. It was getting late and I wanted to be at home in my bed. Then I started thinking about all my math homework I didn't do, the blog I needed to post, the piles of laundry that needed to be done, when I heard these words,

"Some dance to remember, some dance to forget."
-Hotel California/ The Eagles

      I thought to myself why do I dance? I realize that the beauty of dancing is I didn't have to choose. I have danced for both reasons. Some of my happiest moment have been dances.
There was the time I did my English project. I felt so proud of myself and even though it "scared" some people, I enjoyed it immensly.
     My favorite part of my trip to Disneyland wasthis awesome TRON rave. Lexi and I raved in the park all night. We met a lot of fun people and even though everyone didn't know each other we all connected though dance. The joy flowed from me all night and I felt like I was on top of the world.
You can also find me at home in my recreation room with my Ipod on shuffle just dancing away. I know I'm not the best dancer by any means but who's to say I can't become her. When you find something that brings you joy, you should never let the fear of other people's reactions keep you from expressing your joys.
  These are the best things in life. The things that bring so much joy. Yeah for me it's dancing and singing but what is it for you? Maybe it's basketball or painting. Maybe it's wrestling or flirting (Maurice) ;-)
Maybe it's cheer or sketching or editing videos. Maybe it's teaching a crazy group of seniors. But whatever it is, once you find it, don't ever let it go. It's your life, make it worth it.

It's a Small Wold!

It's a world of laughter, a world or tears
Its a world of hopes, its a world of fear
theres so much that we share
that its time we're aware
its a small world after all

   It's a small world is orobably one of the most obnoctious rides in Disneyland but it is one of my most favorite rides. I was with my little group and I continued asking if we could ride that one. They shut me down every time of course. So I went on it with a different group. While I was on it I realised it's these types of simple things that make me so happy.
   Yes there's a lot of big extravegant things in life that get my adrenaline pumping and get me excited and wound up. Then there's the foods that are pleasing, and guys are fun,but really in my life the small things bring me joy.
  For instance, we were standing in line for Thunder Mountain and these people were trying to exit the line and they were about to walk all the way back up the path. So I unlatched the little rope thing for them and let them out. I was super excited just to have done that. I felt so cool.
  There are many more examples I just can't think of them all right now. Really why I love this song is because of the simplicity. It is a small world after all. Especially in my world. The small things are huge in my wold and make me so happy and excited to be alive. Yes I have ups and downs but thats is what makes me have so much fun. Everyone should learn to find joy in simple small things.  

He Waits for Me

I'd like to have that feeling
of knowing the words are true
hearing them whispered soflty
"I love you."

I have so many memories
of someone I've yet to meet.
Who is the one I'm dream of?
Maybe you.

A lot of people know my past with relationships. I have been heartbroken, I was bitter, bla bla bla. Well the sun has finally come out. No this does not mean I'm in love. I haven't even met "the one".

It all started with the reading of Frankenstien. We talked so much about how people need love. No one really wants to be alone. All the monster wanted was a female friend to love and to be loved by in return. The point hit me that no matter how bad I wanted to push love away, I truely want to find it.

The second time is hit me was when I sang the words to this song. It is called Brazillia. Our jazz choir is singing it and I got the solo. I sang the word, I knew I believed them especially the first verse which is

"Someday, I know I'll find him
the one who's ment for me.

Our future is just a vision
that lives only in my mind.
But someday we'll be together.
We'll leave the past behind.

Each day will bring me closer
to finding the one I love,
Finding the one that I'm
Deaming of."

It just took one time singing these words for my heart to latch on to them.

The third time this hit me was when I was listening to my seminary teacher tell his engagement story. He smiled and had so much joy beaming from his face. The way he talked about his beautiful wife made me want that. I knew I wanted a man to talk about me that way and begin to blush at the thought of us (Maybe not exactly but something like that).

And finally, when I watch the batchelor fanally! The proposal just took my breath away. You could see the love in the guy's eyes. He could not have had anymore love for this woman. Then it showed the couple now and they were having a few issues, but they were working to over come those problems.

I guess what I'm saying is, that no matter how much you get hurt, you can't give up. That's what I learned. I'm not saying I want to go run off and get maried or date someone right away. I just think it's rediculous to be so bitter about it anymore. The past is that and not every single person is going to hurt me. I need to finally let go. Let go of the hurt I had. Let go of the bitter love hating. Let go of him. I don't NEED a man to be happy. I need a man that compliments me.
And that is my new take on "love".

"Forever young"-Alphaville

  It was like a movie. The clock was stopped at 10.0 the score was 41 to 44 in our favor and The Kory Koerperich was at the free throw line. I realized we had it! In time the game was over. WE WON!! The team was celebrating on the court, each cutting off a piece of the net. Tears streamed down everyone's face. Then as I watched Kory as his dad hugged him, it truly was the hug the world could feel. That is when I realized these are the moments we live for. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING could have brought me down at this moment. The crowd was screaming through the halls. Never had I felt so much Holbrook pride. My dad picked me up and shouted your a champion! I can still feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins. I have never been so speechless in my life.

  My family went to dinner and after, my brother in-law and I were driving home. All I could do was smile and nod. Then my brother in-law said something that hit me, "I still remember when I was getting ready for my state game and just like that, I am here." Right then my life came into perspective. I knew that I couldn't stay here in this moment forever. No later than a minute this song played.

"Forever young, i want to be forever young

Do you really want to live forever, forever forever

Forever young, i want to be forever young

Do you really want to live forever

Forever young"

  I know I can't be seventeen forever. Soon I will be all wrinkled up sitting in my rocking chair looking back at all the "good times". And that game will always be as clear as day. When I look back on all my trials and hardships, it's moments like those that make it 100% worth it. So I want to say thank you.

  Thank you to the Team. Thank you to Coach Mendosa and Delmar. Thank you Dr. Koerperich. Thank you fans, refs, announcers. Thank you Fountain Hills and your height! Thank you family and friends. Thank you God, thank you for creating the perfect moment to keep me Forever Young.

"Maybe you'd feel better if you screamed today"-Kimya Dawson

"And now there's a mountain goat
precariously balanced on the frog stuck in my throat
it says "sometimes whispering's okay,
but maybe you'd feel better if you screamed today"

Lately I've been so speechless. I don't really feel like I have anything profound to say. I'm not usually like this. I guess it's kind of like a grey funk my English teacher was talking to us about. I feel sort of like I'm just here. There's not really thoughts going through my mind or feelings in my heart. When I try to post something on Facebook, there is nothing. I feel like I want to talk to someone yet I have nothing to talk about. My texts which are usually fun and clever have turned into one word responses. At the same time there's the part of me that just wants to get out of this funk. I want the lump in my throat to go away, the wall in my brain to crumble. I think it's times like this that you just need to scream.

I think sometimes we get too stressed. Sometimes we hold stuff in for too long. Sometimes we feel like we have to whisper. So I encourage you to take the goats advice go somewhere and just scream. I think you'll feel better.

Here this guy seems pretty good at it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y60NAa996SI&feature=related

"I'm sorry for you"- Nellie McKay

"I'm sorry for the mess
The stupid way I'm dressed
I guess I failed my test
Oh don't you know I'm sorry for my views
I musta been confused
And yet you know that really I'm sorry for you"


"I'm sorry for the time
The stupid way I rhyme
I knew I shoulda chose a life of crime
I'm sorry for my blues
I know it's all old news
And yet you know that really I'm sorry for you"


I found this artist while I was just looking around on youtube. I came across this song and it really made me think. How often do we say sorry when we don't mean it?

I want to make it a goal to say sorry only when I mean it. In this song Nellie is really showing how she's not sorry by saying sorry. I don't think she is sorry for those things. This is how I relate to this song. Sorry is such a clishe. Offen times people just say sorry for things because they don't want to put up a fight or offend people.  I think sorry is something you show not something you say. I think I'm good at showing when I'm genuinely sorry. On the other hand I'm also pretty good at showing when I'm not. I'm not saying that I go and shove it in people's face that I ment to offend them and I don't purposely try to. I guess what I'm saying is I'm really a blunt person and speak my mind. I usually try to be nice about it, but I just have a loud personality.

I'm not sorry for the mess, the stupid way I dress, I don't care if I fail  your test. I'm not sorry for my views, I'm really not confused, and you should know that really I'm sorry for you. I'm sorry for those people who don't live out loud. I think Nellie is just telling everyone to be them selves and stop being sorry for who you are, which I think I'm good at.

click to watch her video and hear the whole song http://www.lyrics.com/sari-lyrics-nellie-mckay.html

"Life inside the music box aint easy"-Regina Spektor

 I figured I would start with the title of my blog. The real world can bring a person down. One needs a place to escape and be themselves. For me, I naturally tend to live in my alternate world. The world of Chelsea Bea is a music box. I live inside a world where music is all I hear. When I hear people talk I automatically have a song playing in my head. When I hear a song, a person or experience comes back to me. As I fail to express myself easily through rhetoric, if you open my music box and you hear my melody it all becomes clear. Life inside my music box is not always easy however. I have songs about hurting, songs about trials, songs that break my heart, and songs I don’t understand why I sing. Sometimes I may be off pitch, or my melody might sk-kip, but no matter what the mallets hit, my gears are always turning. I know sometimes my melodies annoy people so I don’t mind if they close my lid. They should know I still hear it inside though. Like everyone else, I find certain melodies annoying. They often repeat and sometimes I find myself wanting to escape the mechanism. I see people living in worlds of art, worlds of sports, worlds of geniuses, worlds of technology, and worlds of words. There are many other worlds that I see and wonder about. Although it is sometimes tempting to climb out of my music box, if I had the choice I probably wouldn’t. In my music box I feel safe. Even though life inside my music box isn’t easy, I enjoy every moment. I enjoy the different melodies new people bring into my box and leave me with. I enjoy the things I gain from each song. I love hooking songs together, the lessons I learn from letting go of certain melodies, the different feeling each tune leaves. My music box is sometimes closed but anyone can open it. Anyone is welcome to visit and I hope eventually I will find someone to keep with me forever. A person who will be the melody I could never let go or forget. Maybe he will be a melody I’ve never heard before or maybe he’ll come with the melody I always listen to. Maybe he won’t even like music but he’ll love it because I do. Maybe he’ll make like Aladdin and show me “a whole new world”. But for now I will remain safely inside my music box, singing and dancing my days away. Life inside my music box aint easy, but I delight in every note!